In what areas of your life do you judge or beat up yourself up?
And, I’m curious…
What is this judgment costing you?
I’m willing to bet it’s costing you a LOT!
If you’re like most humans on the face of this planet, you probably judge or beat yourself up about your choices, your decisions, your behaviors, your opinions, your body, your mind, or worse… others!
After all, judgment is an inherently natural part of the human condition that happens with both ourselves AND with others!
That said, if we can’t figure out how to turn judgment of ourselves & others around, it can be really detrimental to our soul, sanity or health.
I know firsthand because a big part of my pain & misery throughout my 20’s & 30’s had to do with how I used to judge myself & others.
Bitterness, resentment, envy, shame, blame, anger.
These are just a few of the toxic feelings & emotions I used to feel & experience when I was younger, much of which would happen when I was operating from a place of victimhood.
In fact, I used to see all the “bad” things that came my way as things that were happening TO me, literally believing that I was the “victim” to all the lemons that life used to hand my way!
What I’ve found out since then is that being in judgment & victim mode does me no favors because it pisses me off, make me second-guess myself & others, & causes me to lose faith & trust that the world is a safe place.
The younger version of myself was negative, upset & angry a LOT (at everyone & everything) & I used to project that poison out into the world.
It wasn’t until that poison ruined a friendship in my early 30’s did I realize just how poisonous I’d become!
Fortunately, that failed friendship helped me realize it was actually ME that was the problem (vs. everything outside of me) but sadly, this awareness turned into self-loathing that made me lose confidence, second-guess myself & led to more judgment & feelings of failure.
Not only was I barfing poison all over others, I was also pouring that poison into myself which led to a lot of heaviness in my body, mind & spirit.
I’m sure you know the kind of heaviness I’m talking about because if you’re human, you’ve probably felt it too, am I right?
Fortunately, all of that old judgment & victimhood finally led to a huge awakening that made me realize just how much I was contributing to the problem & from that moment forward, I committed to becoming my very own hero (vs. being victimized by life).
And, with the mindset of personal responsibility in place, I inherently found myself practicing greater compassion & forgiveness with both myself & others (vs. judging & criticizing).
Because there’s not a single person on the planet who doesn’t judge themselves or others & hasn’t been victimized by life.
We all say, do & experience hard things in life BUT we’re usually not doing it on purpose!
The truth is this…
We’re ALL just doing the best that we can with the tools, resources & awareness we have available to us at any given moment in time.
That younger version of myself judged & felt victimized because she was operating from a place of unconsciousness.
She literally didn’t know any better & hadn’t yet been equipped with the tools, the wisdom or the resources that could’ve prevented any of it or made it all easier so why would I want to beat her up?!
In fact, it was THOSE experiences of victimhood that were teaching her how to become a braver, better person.
Now don’t get me wrong, I still judge & beat myself occasionally.
I sometimes second-guess myself or my decisions about how I handle certain aspects of life (despite having more trust, faith & confidence in myself than ever before).
I sometimes compare where I’m at in life with others (despite knowing I’m on my own unique path & journey & that’s ok).
I wish I was currently prepared better for the future (despite having significantly changing my financial outlook over the past 2 years).
I sometimes wish I was physically, mentally & emotionally stronger (despite being the strongest I’ve ever been in my life).
I sometimes judge the way my body is aging (despite loving myself more than I’ve ever loved myself before).
But here’s what’s different about the younger me & the present day me.
The feelings of judgment, self-doubt & insecurity that happen now occur FAR less frequently than they did when I was younger.
I now realize that my judgments of others are an opportunity to look for where I judge myself (and vice versa).
I am aware that my insecurities are just another layer of the past coming up to be healed in the present.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that everything is happening FOR me (rather than TO me).
I know that everything that comes my way will make me stronger.
I know that practicing curiosity, gratitude, growth & grace will help me learn & grow.
I know that learning how to love myself unconditionally will help me love my life.
Instead of jumping to conclusions, making assumptions, passing judgment or holding resentment, I now prefer to practice love, curiosity, compassion & forgiveness whenever possible now.
In fact, making lemonade out of lemons has become easier over the years because I learn from my mistakes regularly & have access to WAY more resources & wisdom than the younger me had access to.
So with awareness that we’re all just humans having a human experience, I’m curious…
Are you ready to take responsibility for your life & learn how to practice greater compassion & forgiveness with yourself & others?
If your answer is yes, I’d like to offer you the following self-rescue practice for this week…
- Identify all the ways you judge or beat yourself or others up.
- Journal about what this is costing you.
- Identify any lessons, resources or wisdom you’re meant to be gaining from these experiences (i.e. why is this happening FOR you?).
Hopefully with your responses to the above questions, you’ll realize what judging & beating yourself & others up has been costing you AND you’ll find yourself feeling more compassion & forgiveness for yourself & others for simply doing the best that we all can. :)
And, for those of you that want to take responsibility for your life & foster greater compassion & forgiveness with yourself & others, helping you accelerate this process is one of my specialties!
In fact, I’ve been helping myself & my clients take back control of their lives & foster more compassion & forgiveness since 2007, which is well over 15 years’ experience.
If you’d like to learn more about how to accelerate all of this in your own life, I’ll be discussing & leading a guided mediation on this very topic during my weekly self-rescue training on Wednesday (see the details below).
In addition to the training, I’m also offering the following additional forms of self-rescue support designed to help you master the art of self-rescue:
- Sign up for a FREE Self-Rescue Toolkit that includes an Enneagram, Saboteur & Self-Care assessment to help you assess any fears, burnout or self-sabotage you might be struggling with & identify the self-rescue road map that will help you become your very own hero!
- Join me live or catch the replay of this week’s self-rescue training that I lead every Wednesday at 11:30 am MT inside of my Brave-Hearted Woman Self-Rescue Community on Facebook where I’ll be sharing additional resources for how to foster compassion & forgiveness for yourself & others!
I hope you find the above resources helpful & here’s to us ALL learning how to live, love, lead & work from a place of happiness, health, wealth & wholeness!
Jess Bonasso, also known as The Self Care Goddess, is a Brave Life Catalyst & Self-Rescue Coach, Author & Keynote Speaker who has been teaching worn out working wonder women how to master the art of self-rescue since 2007.
After unraveling at a cellular level the self-sabotage from her corporate-climbing 20’s & business-building 30’s that led her into burnout, breakdown & a proverbial midlife crisis, she created The Brave-Hearted Way, a self-rescue compass & road map to brave-hearted courage, authenticity & wholeness that empowers worn out working wonder women to live, love, lead & work in a way that leads to happiness, health, wealth & wholeness.
In addition to being the creator of The Brave-Hearted Way & a published co-author of Speaking Your Truth: Courageous Stories from Inspiring Women (Vol.2), Jess is also an accredited practitioner of The Journey Method®, a highly effective form of cellular trauma release therapy that can unravel at a cellular level the core fears, limiting beliefs & unhealthy behaviors that cause us to sacrifice our soul, sanity or health.
Be sure to follow Jess on social media where you’ll receive daily inspiration & support on how to heal & fuel your life so you can embrace your greatness on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or LinkedIn! :)