Why Over-Giving Can Lead to Self-Sacrifice

Why Over-Giving Can Lead to Self-Sacrifice

Do you ever feel resentful or drained because you give so much of your time or energy to others?

I know I have & I can tell you from many first-hand experiences of feeling resentful or drained throughout my life that if you tend to feel this way a lot, it could mean you are over-giving your time & energy to others in a way that could lead to self-sacrifice!

The sad thing about this is that many of us have been programmed & conditioned that it’s “more important to give to others” than it is to take time for ourselves.

Our parents, our religions, our school systems…. they’ve all taught us that giving to others is god-like in nature & that taking care of ourselves is selfish.

But trust me, dear one…

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Over-giving to the point of self-sacrifice, like many other forms of self-sabotage, is a recipe for burnout, breakdown & disaster!

If left unconscious or unaddressed, it can lead to real problems in your relationships with yourself & with others, which is one of the reasons why I want to talk about the importance of NOT over-giving your time, energy & efforts to others.

You see…

After studying & using the Enneagram personality system with myself & my clients over the past 16 years, I’ve learned a LOT about the various unhealthy habits, patterns & behaviors that humans take on to cope with the core fears & wounds that get instilled in us as children & throughout our lives.

In fact, one of the Enneagram personality types who struggle greatly with the habit of over-giving to the point of self-sacrifice is known as the Helper.

Sadly, the Helper has an unconscious tendency to give so much to others that they end up sacrificing their soul, sanity & healthy on a regular, consistent basis.

And after over-giving for a long period of time, these individuals begin to feel bitter & resentful when their efforts go unnoticed or aren’t appreciated, which leads to a lot of anger & unhappiness that gets projected & “lashed out” on others.

The worst part about this tendency to over-give to the point of self-sacrifice?

The bitterness & self-sacrifice they are experiencing is actually self-inflicted because at the end of the day what’s really missing for the Helper type is the ability to set boundaries with themselves around who & what they are giving their time & energy to.

Not only that, but they also struggle giving to themselves (which is actually part of their path of growth!) through regular & consistent self-care & self-love practices that would ultimately eliminate the self-sacrifice altogether!

So what drives the inability to set boundaries with others & give to yourself?

At the end of the day, what drives most (if not all) of our bad habits & behaviors in life is… FEAR.

And believe it or not, we ALL have fears that we’re grappling with but for the Helper type in particular, theirs is a core fear of being abandoned, rejected or un-loveable that ultimately drives their over-giving tendencies, habits, & behaviors & causes them to unconsciously give with the intention to receive acknowledgment or love from others.

As you can see, over-giving to the point of self-sacrifice is simply a form of self-sabotage that stems from a core wound & an unmet need, which is why it’s SO very important that we take the time as humans to do our spiritual growth & personal development work!


Because the more we figure out & understand what our underlying core fears & unmet needs are, the better we can face & unravel those fears so we can start taking conscious responsibility for our happiness, health, wealth & wholeness (vs. unconsciously sabotaging ourselves).

And, whether you’re a Helper on the Enneagram or not, I want to state a simple truth with you, dear one…

We ALL have core fears & wounds that when faced & unraveled, can help us heal our lives & set ourselves free from any form of self-sabotage we might be struggling with!

And, speaking for myself personally, the Enneagram has been a powerful spiritual growth tool that’s helped me identify & heal many of the unhealthy habits, limiting beliefs & core fears that have led to unhappiness, physical health issues, relationship problems & other forms of self-sabotage that I’ve struggled with throughout my life.

The best part?

It’s also a system that does WAY more than just help you identify what’s not working… it also provides a rich & robust path of growth & self-rescue practices for healing whatever core fears & wounds are holding you back!

So with this in mind, I’m curious…

Are you ready to stop over-giving to the point of self-sacrifice?

If so, I have a few questions for you to consider…

  • Are there any areas of your life where you’ve been over-giving to the point of self-sacrifice?
  • If yes, what boundaries can you set with yourself to eliminate the self-sacrifice?
  • And what practices can you incorporate to start giving more to yourself?

Hopefully, this will help you face & unravel what’s not working in this area of your life!

And, if you have any other form of self-sabotage playing out in your own life, one of my specialties is helping you heal your life so you can set yourself free from the core fears & wounds that sabotage your greatness.
To learn more about this week’s topic & to see how I can help support you in becoming your very own hero, simply take advantage of the following forms of self-rescue support I’m offering below:

  1. Sign up for a FREE Self-Rescue Toolkit that includes an Enneagram, Saboteur & Self-Care assessment to help you assess any fears, burnout or self-sabotage you might be struggling with & identify the self-rescue road map that will help you become your very own hero! 
  2. Join me live or catch the replay of this week’s self-rescue training that I lead every Wednesday at 11:30 am MT inside of my Brave-Hearted Woman Self-Rescue Community on Facebook where I’ll be sharing additional resources for how to give to yourself & others without sacrificing your soul, sanity or health! 
  3. Sign up for a FREE 15-minute Self-Rescue Assessment Call where we can assess your self-rescue needs one-on-one & identify any self-sabotage that might be holding you back in your own life. 
  4. Join my Brave-Hearted Sisterhood Paid Membership Community FREE for the first 30 days to receive sisterhood, connection & support with any conflict you might be experiencing through weekly sisterhood circles with other high-reaching women who want to learn the art of self-rescue. 

I hope you find the above resources helpful & here’s to us ALL learning how to live, love, lead & work from a place of happiness, health, wealth & wholeness!

Jess Bonasso, also known as The Self Care Goddess, is a Brave Life Catalyst & Self-Rescue Coach, Author & Keynote Speaker who has been teaching worn out working wonder women how to master the art of self-rescue since 2007.

After unraveling at a cellular level the self-sabotage from her corporate-climbing 20’s & business-building 30’s that led her into burnout, breakdown & a proverbial midlife crisis, she created The Brave-Hearted Way, a self-rescue compass & road map to brave-hearted courage, authenticity & wholeness that empowers worn out working wonder women to live, love, lead & work in a way that leads to happiness, health, wealth & wholeness.

In addition to being the creator of The Brave-Hearted Way & a published co-author of Speaking Your Truth: Courageous Stories from Inspiring Women (Vol.2), Jess is also an accredited practitioner of The Journey Method®, a highly effective form of cellular trauma release therapy that can unravel at a cellular level the core fears, limiting beliefs & unhealthy behaviors that cause us to sacrifice our soul, sanity or health.

Be sure to follow Jess on social media where you’ll receive daily inspiration & support on how to heal & fuel your life so you can embrace your greatness on FacebookTwitterYouTube, or LinkedIn! :)

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