Why Embracing Your Fears Is Where Freedom Lies

Why Embracing Your Fears Is Where Freedom Lies

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being easy), how easy is it for you to face & embrace your fears?

My guess is that you’re not at a level 10 but if you are, it’s likely because you’re completely invested in your growth & have been doing the work to heal your life & set yourself free.

If this is you, congratulations & keep up the good work! :)

That said, if you’re like most humans, you’re probably scoring yourself at a 7 or less because let’s face it…

Who WILLINGLY wants to face their fears?

And, do you actually know the core fears & wounds that cause you to sabotage your happiness, success & greatness in life?

Speaking from my own personal experience, I spent most of my 20’s & a good part of my early 30’s mostly ignorant of the fears that were running my self-sabotage patterns.

And for any fears that I was aware of, I was an expert at avoiding them & pretending like I had all of my $hit together because I was terrified to let on how much self-doubt & insecurity I was dealing with as a young adult with my friends, family & co-workers.

That said, about 2 years after the midlife crisis I had during my early 30’s, I was introduced to a personality system called the Enneagram at a week-long healing retreat that I went to for busting through bad habits, patterns & behaviors related to the programming & conditioning from the first half of my life.

And, it was here at this retreat & because of the Enneagram that I was finally able to identify the ROOT cause of most, if not all, of my unhappiness in life.

In a nutshell, I was struggling with 2 major core fears & wounds:

1. A fear of being abandoned, rejected & unloveable

2. A fear of not being safe & supported

During the process & healing work we did throughout that retreat, I found out that both of these fears stemmed from an early childhood memory at the age of 2 where my parents got into an argument in front of me.

My parents divorced shortly after this & because this was the ONLY memory I had of all of us together as a family, you can imagine how traumatic this might be for a 2-year child.

Unfortunately, the trauma of that memory concretized the above fears into that 2-year old version of myself because 1) I didn’t feel safe during the argument & 2) I felt unsupported, unloved, abandoned & rejected by my mom when she told me to go away & leave her alone after coming to her for soothing & support after the argument was over.


Hard to believe that such a small moment in time could create a lifetime of core fears & wounds that ultimately became the root cause of MOST, if not all, of my self-sabotage, self-doubt, stress & strife throughout grade school, high school & early adulthood.

After my Enneagram retreat was over, I vowed to continue facing & eliminating these core fears & wounds…  no matter what it was going to take!

And because of this vow to release what no longer served me, I battled with these wounded parts of myself for another 2 years, doing whatever healing & release work I could to eliminate those fears altogether…

To no avail. :(

Despite my efforts & all the healing work I’d been doing, these fears continued to manifest & show up, which made me feel like I was failing at life OR worse, that something must be wrong with me.

It wasn’t until I heard & really started to understand the phrase “what you resist, persists” did I realize that something was missing from my efforts to heal these core fears & wounds.

Up to that point, I was doing all that I could to face my fears but I wasn’t EMBRACING them.

In fact, I was so busy resisting these wounded parts of myself that I was literally abandoning, rejecting & not supporting these wounded parts of myself.

Kind of ironic that the antidote to the core fears & wounds I was trying to heal was something I wasn’t even practicing with myself!

And that’s when I realized that in order for me to find freedom from these core fears & wounds, I literally had to practice & become the antidote to those fears.

In other words, I had to start granting these wounded parts of myself the LOVE & SUPPORT that I’d been missing as a child.

Instead of rejecting myself & my wounds, I had to EMBRACE them.

In this moment of realization, I realized that these core fears & wounds were actually providing me with powerful lessons & wisdom about how I wanted to treat not only myself but others.

And since then, I’ve completely revolutionized my relationship with fear.

Instead of my core fears & wounds holding me back…

I see them as an opportunity for lessons, growth & wisdom.

I see them as a barometer for something that my heart & my soul is yearning for.

I see them as indicator of an unmet need or core value that’s mine to own getting met.

I see them as a story that needs to be explored with love & compassion.

I see them as an opportunity to support & hold space for myself.

And ultimately, I now see them as an opportunity to live, breathe & move toward love.

Because after all, there are really only 2 basic emotions that ALL the other emotions in the world stem from…. FEAR & LOVE.

Today, when fear is present I face & acknowledge it with love in my heart.

I also practice to the best of my ability surrounding it with love.

And, I do everything I can to LISTEN to what my fear is trying to tell me so that I can love my way through it & take brave-hearted action to face & correct whatever’s causing the fear.

In fact, on that scale of 1-10 that I asked you to rate yourself on, I’d say I’m able to face & embrace my fears now somewhere between an 8-10, most of the time.

I’m not perfect by any means but I have WAY more tools now to embrace & gain value, wisdom & clarity from my fears, which is what has led me to a deeper place of freedom, ease & grace in my life than ever before.

Imagine for a moment…

Wouldn’t it be nice to have tools that could lead you from fear to freedom in your own life?

So with this in mind, I have a few questions for you to consider…

  • What are the fears that hold you back?
  • What are these fears costing you?
  • What are the benefits you’d receive if you faced & embraced these fears?

Hopefully, answering these questions will help you move out of fear & into the love & freedom that awaits on the other side!

That said, if you’re having a hard time identifying your own fears OR you’ve identified fears that have been in place for awhile now & just can’t seem to resolve or find the antidote to those fears on your own, I can help.  

In fact, one of my specialties is helping my clients identify, embrace & heal the ROOT cause of any core fears or wounds that might be sabotaging their happiness, success & greatness in life.

If this is something that interests you, I’ll be talking more about this during this week’s Facebook live training (see the details below).

And, if you’d like support in becoming your very own hero, here are a few additional forms of self-rescue support that I’d like to offer you:

  1. Sign up for a FREE Self-Rescue Toolkit which includes an Enneagram, Saboteur & Self-Care assessment to help you assess any fears, burnout or self-sabotage you might be struggling with & identify the self-rescue road map that will help you become your very own hero! 
  2. Join me live or catch the replay of this week’s self-rescue training that I lead every Wednesday at 11:30 am MT inside of my Brave-Hearted Woman Self-Rescue Community on Facebook where I’ll be sharing how to identify & heal the core fears & wounds that YOU might be struggling with along with the antidote that will help you embrace each one! 
  3. Sign up for a FREE 15-minute Self-Rescue Assessment Call where we can assess your self-rescue needs one-on-one & identify any self-sabotage that might be holding you back in your own life. 
  4. Join my Brave-Hearted Sisterhood Paid Membership Community FREE for the first 30 days to receive sisterhood, connection & support with any conflict you might be experiencing through weekly sisterhood circles with other high-reaching women who want to learn the art of self-rescue. 

I hope you find the above resources helpful & here’s to us ALL learning how to live, love, lead & work from a place of happiness, health, wealth & wholeness!

Jess Bonasso, also known as The Self Care Goddess, is a Brave Life Catalyst & Self-Rescue Coach, Author & Keynote Speaker who has been teaching worn out working wonder women how to master the art of self-rescue since 2007.

After unraveling at a cellular level the self-sabotage from her corporate-climbing 20’s & business-building 30’s that led her into burnout, breakdown & a proverbial midlife crisis, she created The Brave-Hearted Way, a self-rescue compass & road map to brave-hearted courage, authenticity & wholeness that empowers worn out working wonder women to live, love, lead & work in a way that leads to happiness, health, wealth & wholeness.

In addition to being the creator of The Brave-Hearted Way & a published co-author of Speaking Your Truth: Courageous Stories from Inspiring Women (Vol.2), Jess is also an accredited practitioner of The Journey Method®, a highly effective form of cellular trauma release therapy that can unravel at a cellular level the core fears, limiting beliefs & unhealthy behaviors that cause us to sacrifice our soul, sanity or health.

Be sure to follow Jess on social media where you’ll receive daily inspiration & support on how to heal & fuel your life so you can embrace your greatness on FacebookTwitterYouTube, or LinkedIn! :)

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