If you’ve ever set a boundary, asked for what you need, taken time for yourself, or said no to something you didn’t want to do, you’ve probably felt it.

Guilt. 😩

You know what I’m talking about…

It’s that old familiar feeling that can be so uncomfortable you quickly abandon your needs and go back to doing what you’ve always done.

Over-riding your own needs or over-giving to the point of self-sacrifice.

If you’re like many high-capacity women, you end up doing one or more of the following:

You end up saying yes when you want to say no.

You take on more than you have capacity for.

You put yourself at the bottom of the list.

Not because you don’t know better.

Because guilt makes it feel wrong to do otherwise.

But what if guilt isn’t always a sign that you’re doing something wrong?

What if it’s a sign that you’re doing something differently?

Many women were taught—directly or indirectly—that being a good person means being available, accommodating, helpful, and selfless.

Over time, those messages become internal rules:

Don’t disappoint people.

Don’t make things harder for others.

Don’t be selfish.

Don’t put your needs first.

The problem is that when you begin challenging those rules, guilt often shows up.

Not because you’ve done something wrong.

But because you’ve stepped outside of what feels familiar.

Think about it this way:

If you’ve spent years taking responsibility for everyone else’s needs, choosing yourself may feel uncomfortable.

If you’ve spent years earning approval by over-giving, receiving may feel uncomfortable.

If you’ve spent years abandoning yourself to keep the peace, honoring your truth may feel uncomfortable.

That discomfort is real, raw and vulnerable.

But it doesn’t automatically mean you’re headed in the wrong direction.

In fact, sometimes guilt is simply the emotional growing pain that comes from building a new relationship with yourself.

A relationship where your needs matter too.

A relationship where caring for yourself is not considered selfish.

A relationship where you no longer measure your worth by how much you sacrifice.

Self-Reflection Practice

The next time guilt shows up, pause and ask yourself:

1. Am I feeling guilty because I’ve done something harmful? Or am I feeling guilty because I’m doing something unfamiliar?
2. What need, boundary, truth, or desire am I tempted to abandon in order to make this guilt go away?
3. If I trusted that my needs mattered too, what would I choose right now?

Remember… Not all guilt is a warning sign. 🛑

Sometimes it’s a sign that you’re breaking an old pattern.

And sometimes the most loving thing you can do is stay connected to yourself long enough to find out the difference. 💕

As a reminder, there is a FREE opportunity this week during my Brave-Hearted Sisterhood gathering on Wednesday, 6/17 from 12– 1 pm MT to discuss what “being responsible” from a place of fullness (without guilt!) vs. self-sacrifice could look like in your own life.

If you’d like to join the conversation, simply send me an email to jess@jessbonasso.com with the word WHOLENESS in the subject header and I’ll send you details for how to join. 🙂

And remember… taking time out to tend to your own needs and care for yourself (without guilt!) is not only a necessity but a superpower. 

Isn’t it time to come back home to yourself? ✨

In gratitude…

Jess Bonasso, also known as The Self Rescue Goddess, is the founder & CEO of Brave Life Consulting, a women-led company committed to the growth, healing & evolution of all women.

After experiencing burnout & a midlife crisis in her early 30’s, Jess committed to her own self-rescue and then later developed the Brave-Hearted Way, a simpler, easier way for high-capacity women to break free from self-abandonment and come back home to themselves without everything falling apart.

Today, she lives a deeply fulfilling life and has a thriving business that empowers women who lead to reclaim their time, energy and emotional bandwidth so they can create well-nourished lives and careers they love.

With over 20 years’ worth of expertise in alternative & mind-body healing, Jess has an in-depth knowledge of the Enneagram personality system and is as an accredited practitioner of The Journey Method®, giving her the trauma-informed expertise & therapeutic skills to support you in unraveling the root cause of anything that stands in the way of your happiness, health, or wealth.