As you may remember, I’ve been deep in the throes of writing my very first solo book and as the date of my 19th anniversary in business is upon us, I’m celebrating the power and progression of the work that I’ve been doing for almost two decades now. 🎉
When I first started my business back in May 2007, I was on a mission to help women who struggle with the same kind of burnout I experienced in my early 30’s learn how to master the art of self-rescue.
As a result of that commitment, there’ve been hundreds of women I’ve worked with over the years who I’ve helped overcome burnout!
And although burnout IS a common symptom with many of the women I work with, it’s actually just a small byproduct of a much bigger problem that women in the workforce are facing today.
In fact, the writing process I’m going through has required a deep dive self-reflection on who I serve, the problem I solve and the unique solution I provide the women I work with and here’s what I’ve been realizing…
There’s a pattern I’ve been seeing for years now in high-capacity, self-aware women that goes WAY deeper than burnout.
It’s not about managing time.
It’s not about setting boundaries.
It’s not about being weak.
It’s not about being a failure.
Instead, it’s actually a high drive to be the “strong, responsible, capable one” who can build a life she loves while holding the responsibility and weight of the world upon her shoulders. 💪
You know the kind of woman I’m talking about…
The one who anticipates, adapts, performs, and delivers.
The one who knows how to make things work—no matter what it costs.
The one with coping strategies and mechanisms to handle whatever that comes her way—until she has no capacity left.
But you know what?
Underneath all of that strength, responsibility, and capability there is something far more costly:
SELF-ABANDONMENT
The unconscious pattern of disconnecting from your own truth, power, and inner knowing in order to maintain safety, approval, or control, self-abandonment is what happens when you override your needs, silence your voice, distort your perception, or betray your instincts to meet external expectations or avoid discomfort.
At its core, self-abandonment is not a single act—it’s a way of operating in a world and a culture that actually rewards you for sacrificing your own desires and needs.
Often a learned survival strategy where you gradually outsource your authority, fragment your consciousness, and disconnect from your authentic self, it is something that’s historically, sociologically and generationally embedded in the identities of all women.
At the end of the day, self-abandonment has become the unspoken cost of the strong, responsible and capable identify that’s been required in order for you to prove your value and your worth.
And you know what?
Self-abandonment is not as loud or obvious as you might think.
It’s subtle. Strategic. Justified.
Often, it’s a blind spot that sounds like:
“This isn’t a big deal.”
“I can handle it.”
“Now’s not the right time to deal with this.”
“I don’t want to make things complicated.”
“I can’t afford anything falling apart.”
And so you override what you feel.
You silence what you know is not working.
You negotiate with yourself and your own boundaries.
Not because you’re broken—but because, at some point, you’ve learned that in some way ignoring the problem is actually serving and helping you in some way…
It helps you belong.
It helps you succeed.
It helps you stay safe.
It helps you feel valuable.
But here’s something I want you to consider…
What if what once protected you is now costing you your aliveness, your clarity, and your sense of self?
If any of this is feeling true for you, I want you to know there IS a solution!
Choosing to come home to yourself is the answer.
And it all begins with awareness…
Not fixing.
Not forcing.
Not becoming someone new.
But seeing and admitting—clearly and honestly—where you’ve been leaving yourself behind.
To help you see how self-abandonment might be showing up for you, here are a few questions for you to ponder:
- Where in my life am I choosing comfort, approval, or control over what I know is true?
- What am I currently tolerating that my body, intuition, or deeper knowing is quietly avoiding or resisting?
- If I were fully loyal to myself in this situation, what would I acknowledge—or do—differently?
These questions aren’t meant to create pressure.
They are meant to restore the connection with yourself that was broken while you’ve worked hard to build a life you love and handle everything that comes your way.
In fact, the moment you can see where you’ve abandoned yourself… is the moment you begin to come back home.
And that return—back into your truth, your power, and your consciousness—is where everything changes. ✨
If any of what I’m sharing today resonates and you’re ready to restore the connection you might’ve lost with yourself, I have two resources I want to offer you today.
First, I’m currently doing market research for my upcoming book that’s going to be all about self-abandonment in high-capacity women — specifically the ones who are done sacrificing themselves to keep their life working!
If you’ve been asking yourself:
“How do I stop abandoning myself… without everything falling apart?”
I’m offering a limited number of FREE Self-Rescue Clarity sessions that will help you determine your path forward while giving me insight on what some of the most common obstacles to self-rescue for women like you might be for my new book.
This is a private 1:1 where we’ll identify:
- Where you’re abandoning yourself
- What it’s actually costing you
- And what it would look like to come back home to yourself — for real
No fluff. No fixing. Just truth.
And second, if you want to explore how self-abandonment might be showing up in your life with other amazing women, I invite you to attend this month’s self-rescue wisdom circle in my Brave-Hearted Sisterhood community on Wednesday, 5/20 from 12 – 1 pm MT.
If you feel the pull to receive either of these FREE resources, simply shoot me an email with the word RESCUE and I’ll share the details.
In gratitude…
Jess Bonasso, also known as The Self Rescue Goddess, is the founder & CEO of Brave Life Consulting, a women-led company committed to the growth, healing & evolution of all women.
After experiencing burnout & a midlife crisis in her early 30’s, Jess committed to her own self-rescue and then later developed the Brave-Hearted Way, a simpler, easier way for high-capacity women to break free from self-abandonment and come back home to themselves without everything falling apart.
Today, she lives a deeply fulfilling life and has a thriving business that empowers women who lead to reclaim their time, energy and emotional bandwidth so they can create well-nourished lives and careers they love.
With over 20 years’ worth of expertise in alternative & mind-body healing, Jess has an in-depth knowledge of the Enneagram personality system and is as an accredited practitioner of The Journey Method®, giving her the trauma-informed expertise & therapeutic skills to support you in unraveling the root cause of anything that stands in the way of your happiness, health, or wealth.
She is also a published co-author of 2 books & keynote speaker who speaks for organizations, conferences & on podcasts regularly!
Jumpstart your own self-rescue TODAY with a FREE Self-Rescue Assessment!
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