Have you ever found yourself in judgment of yourself or someone else?

If so, you’re not alone and during the busyness of the holidays, judgment and impatience can be a universal reflex for many.

And although it’s a big part of the human experience, it’s also one of the biggest leaks of our personal power.

For women who carry a lot of responsibility, empathy, and emotional weight, it can be especially challenging when running at capacity. 🙁

It depletes energy.
It shrinks compassion.
It disconnects us from the truth.
It creates separation.  

And it creates invisible walls between you and the people you most want to feel connected to—including yourself.

In this month’s self-rescue wisdom circle that’s part of my Brave-Hearted Sisterhood membership program, I revisited with the women in my community The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz as a powerful tool for releasing judgment of self and others.

I was reminded just how powerful these principles are when it comes to dissolving judgment.

They aren’t just philosophical ideas—they’re practical tools for staying grounded, sovereign, and self-responsible in a world that constantly pulls us into comparison and criticism.

To help you soften judgment wherever it might be showing up in your life, let me break these Agreements down for you…

Agreement #1: Be Impeccable With Your Word 🗣

Most people think this agreement is about not lying to others.

But the real meaning?

It’s about not lying to yourself.

It’s about not using your words—externally or internally—in a way that hurts you or others.

So many forms of judgment begin with a quiet whisper inside your mind:

“I should be better by now.”
“She’s so much more put together than me.”
“Why can’t I just get it right?”
“I’m so stupid.”

Every self-judgment becomes a seed that grows into outward judgment.

When you clean up the language you use with yourself, you naturally become more compassionate with everyone else.

Try this:

• Identify one phrase you say to yourself that’s rooted in judgment.
• Now rewrite it into a phrase rooted in truth and kindness.

Agreement #2: Don’t Take Anything Personally 😤

This is a big one.

Most judgment—both your own and others’—isn’t actually about YOU.

When someone snaps at you, criticizes you, or behaves in a way that triggers you, it’s almost always a reflection of what they are carrying: stress, fear, overwhelm, unhealed patterns, unconsciousness.

And the same is true when you judge someone else.

Judgment is often a projection of an inner wound, unmet need, or vulnerable part of you looking for safety.

When you stop taking things personally, you create a beautiful buffer between the external world and your internal peace.

Ask yourself:

• Is this actually about me… or is this person showing me their own pain?
• What happens if I don’t make this moment mean anything about my worth?

Agreement #3: Don’t Make Assumptions 🤷‍♀️

Judgment thrives in the space where assumptions live.

You assume you know why someone acted the way they did.
You assume you know their intention.
You assume you know the whole story from a single snapshot.

But assumptions are often inaccurate and incomplete—and almost always lead to unnecessary suffering.

Here’s a gentle reframe:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you can’t see.

And every time you pause, breathe, and ask for clarity instead of assuming—you step out of judgment and into truth.

Try asking:

• What else might be true here?
• What’s the story I’m making up about this person or situation?
• Do I actually know… or am I guessing?

Agreement #4: Always Do Your Best 🦸‍♀️

Here’s the key…

“Your best” is going to be different from day to day.

Some days your best is powerful and productive.
Some days your best is simply getting out of bed.

When you truly embrace this agreement, self-judgment naturally softens. You stop weaponizing perfectionism against yourself—and you stop expecting perfection from others.

Everyone is doing the best they can with the skills, awareness, and emotional capacity they have in the moment… including you.

Reflection:

• Where am I punishing myself for not being perfect?
• What would shift if I allowed my best to be enough today?

And here’s one last final thought…

When you live in alignment with the Four Agreements consistently, judgment becomes less sticky.

You notice it sooner.
You unwind it faster.

And you replace it with curiosity, compassion, and a deeper connection with yourself and others.

These agreements aren’t about bypassing your frustration or denying your feelings—they’re about giving you a framework that brings you back to your truth, your power, and your heart.

Because a well-nourished woman doesn’t need to judge to feel safe.

She knows her worth.
She honors others’ humanity.
And she leads from clarity, not criticism.

And if you haven’t realized it already, this is where our authenticity and power lies. ✨

And because this time of year can be busy, difficult and bittersweet for so many, I encourage you to keep the Four Agreements in mind.

After all, we’re all just doing the best that we can.🙏

Jess Bonasso, also known as The Self Rescue Goddess, is the founder & CEO of Brave Life Consulting, a women-led company committed to the growth, healing & evolution of all women.

After experiencing burnout & a midlife crisis in her early 30’s, Jess committed to her own self-rescue and then later developed the Brave-Hearted Way, a simpler, easier way for women who lead to skyrocket their success by elevating their happiness, health, and wealth without sacrifice!

Today, she lives a deeply fulfilling life and has a thriving business that empowers women who lead to reclaim their time, energy and emotional bandwidth so they can create well-nourished lives and careers they love.

With over 20 years’ worth of expertise in alternative & mind-body healing, Jess has an in-depth knowledge of the Enneagram personality system and is as an accredited practitioner of The Journey Method®, giving her the trauma-informed expertise & therapeutic skills to support you in unraveling the root cause of anything that stands in the way of your happiness, health, or wealth.

She is also a published co-author of 2 books & keynote speaker who speaks for organizations, conferences & on podcasts regularly!

Jumpstart your own self-rescue TODAY with a FREE Self-Rescue Quiz + Roadmap!